Fan Fiction Friday: Stranger Eats -- Mind Flayer Mint Ice Cream
Fictional crossover between Alton Brown’s Good Eats and Netflix’s Stranger Things.
INT. STARCOURT MALL – SCOOPS AHOY – NIGHT
The mall hums with flickering fluorescent lights and the faint echo of a Journey song over the intercom. Neon pink and turquoise glow across the checkered floor. Behind the counter, STEVE HARRINGTON adjusts his sailor hat with a sigh while ROBIN BUCKLEY wipes down the counter, humming sarcastically along to “Don’t Stop Believin’.”
The door chimes. Enter ALTON BROWN, sporting his trademark bow tie, safety glasses, and a look of delighted curiosity.
ALTON: (cheerfully) Ahoy there! Is this the famous Scoops Ahoy? I’m here to film a segment on the chemistry of frozen emulsions.
STEVE: (squinting) Wait—aren’t you that science cooking guy from TV?
ALTON: (grinning) That’s me! And you must be the brave sailors of flavor. Tell me—how’s your overrun ratio?
ROBIN: (dry) Our what now?
ALTON: The air incorporated into the mix. Too little and you get a brick. Too much and it’s foam. Balance is everything—like the forces of the universe.
STEVE: (nervous laugh) Yeah. Balance. Sure. We’ve… uh, had some problems with that. Especially in the freezer downstairs.
ALTON: (scribbling notes) Oh, I love a good cold-storage mystery. Let’s have a look!
ROBIN: (deadpan) You really don’t want to go down there, Mr. Brown. The last time we opened that door, something came out that definitely wasn’t dairy.
ALTON: (chuckling) Probably just freezer burn. A common misunderstanding in both cooking and cosmology.
A low electrical hum rumbles from behind the freezer door. Frost creeps across the tiles. A flickering fluorescent light buzzes overhead.
STEVE: (uneasy) Hear that? That’s not the compressor. That’s—
ALTON: (interrupting) Perfect! You can actually hear the temperature differential. Nature’s own warning buzzer. Now if you’ll just hand me a thermometer—
ROBIN: (muttering) Or a crucifix.
ALTON: (pulling a digital probe from his vest pocket) —we’ll take a quick reading. Safety first! I always say, if it’s colder than zero, you’re in the sweet spot.
STEVE: (grimacing) Yeah. That’s… pretty much where it lives.
The freezer door creaks open. A blast of mist spills out—thick, swirling, otherworldly. Something flickers in the fog: the Scoops Ahoy logo twists into its mirror image. Robin steps back; Steve grips a metal scoop like a weapon.
ALTON: (awed) Fascinating! An interdimensional thermal anomaly. Reminds me of liquid nitrogen, but with a more, shall we say, feral viscosity.
ROBIN: (sarcastic) Yeah, we just call that Tuesday.
From the mist, the muffled crackle of a walkie-talkie.
DUSTIN (V.O.): (radio static) Steve! Robin! The readings are spiking again! Whatever you do—don’t let it eat the sample!
STEVE: (panicked) Uh, which sample?!
ALTON: (delighted) You’re running experiments too? Excellent! Collaboration is the backbone of science. Here, let’s collect some of that vapor. I’ll feed it into my Flavor Synth AI prototype—
ROBIN: Wait—your what?
ALTON: Artificial flavor generation. It calculates infinite ice-cream possibilities. Observe!
The AI device beeps and projects holographic flavor names in the mist: “Demogorgon Ripple,” “Vecna Vanilla,” “Mind Flayer Mint.” Robin’s eyes widen.
ROBIN: Okay, that’s new. It’s naming things we haven’t even told you about.
STEVE: (glaring at the freezer) It’s learning again, isn’t it?
ALTON: (pleased) Oh, that means it’s working beautifully! Self-optimizing algorithms based on sensory input. Deliciously intelligent!
ROBIN: (to Steve) If he gets eaten, I am not explaining this to the news again.
A sudden gust of cold wind slams the freezer shut. The holograms flicker, resolving into one final flavor: “ALTON CHIP.”
ALTON: (frowning) Hmm. That can’t be right. I’m not even crunchy.
STEVE: (grabbing the scoop) Yeah, let’s—uh—maybe close for the night?
ROBIN: (deadpan) Happy Halloween, Science Guy.
ALTON: (cheerful, oblivious) Wonderful idea! Nothing like ending the day with a little chill in the air. And remember—good eats start with great reactions!
As they exit, the freezer hums softly. The camera pans down to the AI’s display: “Now Serving: Stranger Scoops.” The lights flicker out. Synth music swells. Cut to black.
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