Fan Fiction Friday: Good Eats and The Beverly Hillbillies
The day after Thanksgiving is usually a quiet reset for most households… but not when Alton Brown teams up with the Clampetts. Jed, Granny, Elly May, and Jethro are up at dawn, dressed for “city bargain huntin’,” ready to scour Beverly Hills for kitchen deals with the host of Good Eats himself. Alton isn’t sure how he got roped into this, but Granny insisted: “A millionaire still knows a bargain when she sees one.”
When Alton Brown got wrangled away from prepping yeast.
They said, “We’re goin’ bargain huntin’, need a guide who really knows,”
So off they went together wearin’ hand-me-down clothes.
Pots, that is… cast iron… clearance tags.
Well they rolled into a store where the skillets all were stacked,
And Jethro grabbed a scale thinkin’ “lunch tray” when it’s packed.
Then W drifted in with advice sharp as a tack,
And Granny hollered, “She’s a keeper! Grab that gal and don’t look back!”
Coupons… markdowns… smart shop-pin’!
Now Alton wasn’t happy that the Clampetts liked her best,
’Cause W knew the deals and ignored his sass and jest.
But carts were overflowin’, and the bargains were supreme,
So Alton tipped his hat and said, “Guess teamwork makes the dream!”
Good Eats… Hillbillies… holiday haul!
Scene One: Bargain Fever
INT. KITCHEN SUPPLY OUTLET – MORNING
JETHRO (excited): “Uncle Jed! Lookit this! A pot big enough to stew a whole mess o’ crawdads!”
JED: “Now don’t get carried away, Jethro. Mr. Brown here says we gotta be smart shoppers.”
ALTON (straight-faced): “I said strategic shoppers. There’s a difference.”
GRANNY: “Strategic means cheap, right? ’Cause cheap is strategic.”
Alton opens his mouth to rebut—but that’s when a familiar figure rounds the corner.
Scene Two: Enter W
W (precise, calm): “Alton. You brought… company.”
ALTON (grimacing): “W. I didn’t expect you here.”
W: “Black Friday is a battlefield. Someone has to provide accurate advice.”
Before Alton can fire back, Granny steps between them.
GRANNY: “Young lady, you look like you know somethin’ about cookware. What’s the best pan for makin’ possum grits?”
W (delighted to be asked): “High-sided cast iron. Excellent heat retention. Built to last a hundred years or longer, so it's durable when your… ingredients resist.”
GRANNY (cackling): “Ha! I like her!”
Scene Three: Good Eats Meets Clampett Chaos
In a surreal moment, W and the Clampetts form an instant bond. She walks them through clearance shelves with laser-focused efficiency. Elly May fills her cart with tools “for critter-friendly cookin’,” Jethro grabs a digital scale he believes is a “fancy lunch tray,” and Granny interrogates W about slow cookers until Alton can’t take it anymore.
ALTON: “W, they came with me. I’m the food expert.”
W (dry): “And yet they’re asking me for advice.”
GRANNY (to Alton): “Don’t be sore, boy. Even if she is a mite peculiar, she knows a bargain.”
Alton sighs, defeated, as the Clampetts follow W like she’s the Pied Piper of Post-Thanksgiving Sales.
Scene Four: Checkout Reconciliation
At the counter, the cashier stares at mountains of gear: cast iron, thermometers, enamel pots, measuring sets—somehow all at 70% off.
CASHIER: “This… this is the most efficient cart I’ve ever seen.”
W (coolly): “Efficiency is an art.”
ALTON (finally smiling): “You know… I guess the day after Thanksgiving really is about learning to be grateful. Even if my rival steals my shopping entourage.”
JED: “Well now, Alton, we’d say you two make a fine team.”
GRANNY: “Yep. Next year we’re bringin’ you both.”
Alton looks at W. W looks at Alton. They both sigh—but neither objects.
Takeaway
Bargain hunting may bring unexpected alliances, but even the most unlikely team can walk away with a cart full of good gear—and a story even stranger than Thanksgiving dinner.
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