Fan Fiction Friday: Major Houlihan’s Tex-Mex Table
Alton Brown fan fiction crossover index
[Mess Tent – Afternoon]
The mess tent is fuller than usual. Folding chairs are lined up. There’s an expectation in the air—quiet, orderly, attentive.
ALTON BROWN (stepping forward, hands clasped):
“Today’s demonstration isn’t about indulgence. It’s about discipline. Precision. Bold flavor applied with restraint.”
(A few heads turn. That word—discipline—lands.)
ALTON:
“Which makes this the perfect moment to introduce Major Margaret Houlihan.”
(A polite ripple of applause. Margaret steps forward. Her posture is impeccable. Sleeves rolled with intent, not informality.)
HOULIHAN:
“I was told this wasn’t a performance.”
ALTON (calm, respectful):
“It isn’t. It’s a briefing. With food.”
(A pause. Then the faintest hint of approval.)
ALTON:
“Major Houlihan grew up with Tex-Mex—not as a trend, but as a constant. El Paso beginnings. Then bases. Posts. Moves. Recipes that traveled because people did.”
(Houlihan begins working: heating a flat-top, laying out spices with military order.)
HOULIHAN:
“Tex-Mex isn’t sloppy. It’s efficient. You balance heat, acid, fat, and timing. You don’t hide mistakes. You correct them.”
(She works faster now—confident. The room leans in.)
ALTON:
“Notice that. No garnish for show. No excess. Everything here earns its place.”
(A skillet sizzles. Aromas cut through the canvas walls. The crowd relaxes—not rowdy, but comfortable.)
And the smell... delicious air! Smells so good you want to eat the sky.
HOULIHAN (after a moment, quieter):
“Good food doesn’t distract from duty. It supports it.”
(That lands harder than a joke would.)
[Serving Line]
Plates move out smoothly. No scrambling. No pushing. Everyone gets fed.
ALTON (aside, low):
“Major, that was command presence.”
HOULIHAN (allowing herself one small breath):
“It’s just competence.”
ALTON:
“Full disclosure — securing these ingredients required paperwork that would make a quartermaster weep.”
(A few knowing glances toward the clerk’s office.)
ALTON:
“Fortunately, someone with very neat handwriting but questionable spelling anticipated the need.”
(Houlihan does not look up, but a corner of her mouth tightens — she knows exactly who that is.)
HOULIHAN:
“Anticipation is not luck. It’s preparation.”
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