Fan Fiction Friday: Alton Brown at the Governor’s Kitchen — A Benson Crossover
Alton Brown fan fiction crossover index
The Governor’s Mansion kitchen is in full panic mode.
Pots rattle. Timers beep. Someone burns garlic. Someone else burns toast. A chef storms out muttering something about “impossible people.”
Right in the middle of it stands ALTON BROWN, sleeves rolled up, staring at a handwritten menu.
BENSON enters carrying three clipboards and a look of concern.
BENSON:
Tell me you’re winning.
ALTON:
That depends. Is this dinner for humans or a hostile foreign power?
BENSON:
Governor Gatling’s diplomatic dinner.
ALTON:
Ah. Hostile foreign power.
Gretchen Kraus marches into the kitchen carrying a silver tray like it’s military equipment.
KRAUS:
Mr. Brown, your cream sauce is separating.
ALTON:
Thank you, Agent Doom.
KRAUS:
Also, your assistant put shrimp into the vegetarian course.
ALTON:
Excellent. We’re speed-running catastrophe.
PETE DOWNEY enters carrying flowers.
PETE:
Good news! I found peonies for the tables.
BENSON:
Pete, why are the flowers smoking?
Everyone turns.
One of the floral arrangements has somehow caught fire.
PETE:
I may have set them next to the warming trays.
ALTON:
Of course you did.
CLAYTON ENDICOTT III glides into the kitchen dramatically.
CLAYTON:
Brown, I sampled the soup.
ALTON:
And?
CLAYTON:
It tastes… competent.
ALTON:
That may be the meanest thing anyone has ever said to me.
Suddenly a loud POP comes from the oven.
Smoke rolls across the kitchen.
KRAUS:
Your soufflés have collapsed.
ALTON:
No, Gretchen. They have surrendered.
Benson grabs the menu papers from the counter and freezes.
BENSON:
Wait a minute.
ALTON:
That sentence never leads anywhere good.
BENSON:
These aren’t the right instructions.
KRAUS:
Explain.
BENSON:
Tonight isn’t the diplomatic dinner.
Silence.
PETE:
That sounds promising.
BENSON:
This is Katie Gatling’s college celebration dinner. Eight people. Casual.
Everyone slowly looks around the kitchen battlefield.
Burned sauce. Dead soufflés. Flaming flowers. Forty ruined Cornish hens.
ALTON:
So… we built Normandy for a birthday party.
BENSON:
Pretty much.
Governor Gatling pokes his head into the kitchen.
GOVERNOR GATLING:
Is everything under control?
The kitchen staff stares at him in complete silence.
GOVERNOR GATLING:
I’ll come back later.
He exits immediately.
Alton suddenly stops moving.
ALTON:
Benson… how much cheddar cheese does this mansion own?
BENSON:
Concerning amount.
ALTON:
Good.
Twenty minutes later the kitchen has completely transformed.
Giant pans of bubbling baked macaroni and cheese emerge from the ovens. Sharp cheddar. Gruyère. Smoked paprika. Crispy browned topping.
Katie and her friends laugh around the dining table while eating huge portions.
KATIE:
This is incredible.
ALTON:
Never underestimate emergency pasta.
BENSON:
Honestly, this went better than most official dinners around here.
CLAYTON:
I still miss the soufflé.
KRAUS:
No you do not.
Pete quietly notices another centerpiece beginning to smoke.
PETE:
Uh… Benson?
BENSON:
Leave it. At this point it’s atmosphere.
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